Nothing is better than a ham sandwich

"Not anything (the negative of all things) is better than eternal
happiness.
     A ham sandwich is better than not something (no particular thing)
         Therefore, there is no therefore .... ? :-)"

Well, coming from a math background, here's how you would best express that to me:

There is no thing that is better than eternal happiness.
There is no thing that a ham sandwich is better than.

Devin